Here I Am

Two days ago, my law degree took me to a different place than I could possibly have foreseen in school. It was a storage area inside the Matinicus Town Office. As many hours as I'd put in at the office, this space was a place I'd never ventured in before.

The building previously served as the island's one room school. I found myself moving old doors, lumber and some broken chair pieces to get at books. Not just any books. Books of about 2 feet by 3 feet containing elegantly handwritten records of property taxes.

My mission was to try and figure out what happened to approximately half the shares in 22 acres of shorefront and beach property here on the island. There is litigation among some of the other owners. Matinicus has three areas where shore and harbor property is owned in shares rather than physical boundaries. These shares have been passed down and subdivided from the original European settlers of the island. Ownership gets convoluted. One parcel is expressed at something like 57/90th's of 250/450th's.

I am uniquely privileged to be using my law degree this way.

Two days later, after some early morning negotiation on a case, I'm standing at the south end of the island, listening to bird gossip, placid surf and the southwest breeze through the grass. Three monarch butterflies stand in the milkweed.

As much hell as I've been through, or put myself and family through, I am recognizing how special my situation is. I had it as a zero sum game in my mind- if I get this out-of-the-box lifestyle, I have to endure financial chaos and suffering. Not so.

Popping the bubble of the zero sum game, the self-limitations, the self-punishment is a good thing. Somewhere along the way, without intending or seeing it at the time, I broke out of the shell. The shell was that of mid level civil servant afraid of my shadow, unable to be myself, weak, unfulfilled. Now I captain a boat, have a fascinating slate of cases and can finally start to deal with the financial piece. I am not unusually intelligent, good looking, rich or courageous. I just am here. I like it.