A couple of nights back, I dreamt of a white winter ski hat that I recall from family life. It got passed to different kids grabbed occasionally by an adult, but was always there in the winter accessory bin. In the dream I was working to fasten the hat onto a trapeze-like swing. It was winter. The swing was set up behind a snow bank at the edge of a parking lot.
The literal reading of course makes no sense. What the dream was about was the intense sadness of identifying what I took with me when I exited the marriage.
In parking lots or in-laws driveways or any other place where we were without money and needing to have fun, I could find a way to make that fun for the kids. This was my gift. I didn't do well with money. I wasn't much of an authority figure. I could, however, make fun out of nothing.
This snowy swing, behind some parking lot was my gift to my family. I took it with me. It's not that I can't still give this to my kids when they're with me, but things have changed.
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