It's just before 5:00 a.m. on Saturday, May 12. It's blowing 21 knots gusting to 22 with a small craft advisory for hazardous seas, too windy to safely go out alone and haul my traps. It was going to take all my courage to head out today anyway with the catches being so pathetic, and conditions less than ideal. Now I have to come up with a different plan and not panic about losing a hauling day.
I am desperately missing my family. I will focus on the joy of seeing my children later today and watching my daughter's stage debut in a play on the other island.
I get up early every day, work hard, adapt and embrace change. It feels impossible right now, but as distraught as I am, I have to trust that my drive and the world's generosity will line up and I will recognize that moment.
Update- Feeling just enough motivation and guilt to drive to the harbor, bringing my lunch and clothes for the day, I drive down, pausing at the crest for a look at the sea. The view is not what I expect. It looks perfectly fine, no white caps, no geisers where swell meets ledge. From the wharf I see Charlie and Ellen heading out. They give me the courage the hazardous seas advisory tried to sap out of me.
Once out on the boat, I perplexingly have a sunny day at work on the water. And the catch is up.
One of the many self help resources I've listened to talks about how successful people are serial failers who don't take the hint. It's about persistence. It's about all I have that works. Sometimes. Like today.
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